I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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