you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize