Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
