Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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