This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
