I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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