after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
