First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
