you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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