Will you blow on my dice?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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