Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
