Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
