Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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