What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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