i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
