Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize