You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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