Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
