I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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