please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
