Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize