So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
