R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
