JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
