omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
