Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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