I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
