My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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