Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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