another moral hangover. fuck.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
