so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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