I wanna bring you to show and tell
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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