Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i love accidental penises.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
