Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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