I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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