I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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