i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And then he peed in my hair
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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