Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
