She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
