at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
