My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
