Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
