she woke up with a sticky ear
a search helicopter?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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