If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
