So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
