Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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