In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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