Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
