but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
