What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
