I am puke
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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