Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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