I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
