Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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