Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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