Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
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A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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