i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
