I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
