You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your penis caused this!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
