I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
