FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
