you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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