Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
