only you would photoshop your dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
