You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
