Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
