is your mom at the bar?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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