Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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