first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
