Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
