I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
